The Richard O'Brien Crusade



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Four dimensions of Greta

IN 3-D!! bills this movie as "The best of British sleaze, with1 the worst German accent"

I wholly agree with the last part, but if the first is true- I'd hate to see the worst of British sleaze.

The film itself was made in 1972, and was touted as being in "3-D". In fact, there was one issue of the cassette in Britain that came complete with a pair of 3-D glasses to properly view the movie.

Not the whole film was made this way, and actually the only segments that are really in any sort of 3-D are the flashbacks of the characters. Wine bottles are thrust to the camera lens, chests are wagged, a girl swings to and fro. How realistic!

Well, no, not really. All the segments end up looking forced.

1But of course, we're not here to discuss the merits (or lack thereof) of the movie itself- we're here because Richard appears in the film. Barely, and not in 3-D.

His first scene takes place in a club, where the main character goes to try and find this Greta person. All he can seem to find is people who know OF her, and one of them is in the club, busy doing a bump and grind with none other than Richard in an incredibly gaudy looking VERY seventies outfit.

And is dutifully illustrated below.1

Richard doesn't have any dialogue whatsoever in this scene, instead he just stays with the girl he was dancing with and just . . . looks good.

The girl tells the main character to come see her the next day and she'll help him find Greta, as Richard's character licks her face. Then they return to the dance floor to perform a dance that rivals his arm-swinging jam in Shock Treatment, his "monkey" style boogie in the cooler in Rocky Horror, and even the "interpretive ballet" he did during the sax solo of Incubus of Love at the Teddy Awards.

Well, ok, not really. But it is a funny dance, and I can't help but wonder if it was scripted that way, or it just sort of came to him all of a sudden. Inspirational-like.

1Onto our next (and final) scene, where the main character goes to the girl's house. She's sleeping in bed with another woman. The second girl, one of the ones who was in the club scene the night before wakes up just as Richard pops his head out from between them.

A bit of useless dialogue ensues about Greta, why the guy wants to find her and so on, and Richard's sole line- "How much?"1

You would think that an image of a man in bed with two women might be somewhat interesting. In fact, most people would say damned interesting. Somehow, however, they have managed to make it look like the most unsexual thing in the world, and completely just . . . there.

I really can't give more details on the plot for anyone who may be interested in this film- it was hard to watch even in fast forward. I will say that I was initially disappointed before I saw the movie to learn that Richard wasn't in 3-D, but after I saw it I realized it would be rather pointless.

It would have looked something like this:


Which is pretty scary, if you ask me.

The Richard O'Brien Crusade est. 1996